Gratitude With Context: The Importance of Checking in With Yourself

“We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience.” John Dewey

A few days ago, I found myself going through my day like I always do: unphased, unexpectant, and directionless. This stemmed from the thought that if you navigate the day this way, nothing ever shocks you. If things go well, awesome. If they don’t, well, I don’t feel as shocked—or so I thought.

For the past twenty-one weeks, I’ve been journaling consistently, trying to pour myself out. Most of these journals are guided, designed to help navigate thoughts and feelings. However, I’ve noticed that some guided journals don’t give you the freedom to truly express yourself. Instead, they force you to focus on gratitude—sometimes without considering the events of your day.

So here I was, numb, smiling on paper, and feeling what I can only describe as “ungratefully grateful.” Deep down, my attitude was draining me, though I didn’t realize how badly. I started to notice changes: slowing down, losing weight, and watching my glow fade away. All of this because I refused to acknowledge the parts of my life that weren’t going well.

I get it; gratitude is important. We all want to cultivate an attitude of thankfulness. But sometimes, we need to sit with how we genuinely feel and what we are experiencing. It is from these raw and honest moments that authentic gratitude can emerge. There’s a reason why therapists often ask about your past experiences during check-ins. Context matters. It helps us draw lessons, acknowledge our feelings, seek gratitude, and plan better for the future.

Recently, I stumbled upon a new kind of journal that’s been a game-changer for me. This journal encourages you to check in with yourself twice a day. I know—it might sound like a lot, but the prompts are brief and adaptable. You can jot down a few bullet points or write an entire paragraph. The beauty of this journal lies in its flexibility.

What makes it stand out is that it prioritizes self-check-ins before jumping into gratitude. Because let’s face it, some days we don’t feel grateful at all. We’re numbed out because we’ve buried our feelings. For many of us, our journals are our safe spaces. But if we don’t use them to check in with ourselves, we risk becoming like the smiley emoji —going through the motions, unable to articulate our true feelings.

Now, I’m not dismissing guided journaling entirely. In fact, it’s essential. Guided journals can prevent us from spiraling into endless complaints and negativity. They help us focus on learning and growing from our experiences. However, as we practice gratitude, we should also acknowledge the moments and emotions that gave rise to that gratitude.

We can do this by checking in with ourselves. Ask yourself questions like: How did my day go? How do I feel after the day? Are these feelings translating into bodily sensations? After this day, what am I grateful for? What has today taught me? What are my affirmations? Does this change anything in my life? Write down simple clear positive steps to take to make things better.

Allow yourself to immerse in your feelings. Within them, you’ll discover the roots of your pain and your gratitude. Draw from this vulnerability to grow, become better, and extend grace to yourself when you need it most.

Life is complex, and so are our emotions. Gratitude shouldn’t be a mask we wear to cover our struggles. Instead, it should be a light that emerges from our most honest moments. By checking in with ourselves regularly and embracing the full spectrum of our experiences, we can cultivate gratitude that feels real, not forced. So, let’s take the time to pause, reflect, and honor both our joys and our challenges. In doing so, we’ll find the strength to move forward with clarity, compassion, and grace.